My heart hurts.

"When the one you love's in love with someone else,
Don't you know it's torture? I mean it's a living hell.
No matter how I try to convince myself,
This time I won't lose control.
One look in your sad eyes and suddenly
My heart can't tell you no."

How true she is.

I don't think I'm in love, and I continue to remind myself that I don't know what love is, but as far as I know, I feel like i'm in love. I miss him when he leaves, and I worry about who he thinks about. I wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder where he is when i'm not with him. I know he likes someone else, and he has been in love with someone else, and he talks about them often. It kills me. I hate feeling like I am the 4th or 5th runner up to someone. I hate it when he tells me about how awesome they are and how they inspire him. I feel like I don't even have a chance to compete with them for his heart. 

My friends have all told me to just forget about him, and to stop hanging out with him, but how can I do that when he is my best friend? I tell him everything. And I mean everything. I wake up thinking about him, I go to sleep thinking about him. I wait for him to text me and when he does, I can't help but giggle to myself. I haven't ever felt wanted by someone, and now that I do, I want there to be a relationship there, but due to circumstances, there can't be. All I want is to love and be loved in return. I want to be able to hold someone's heart, and have him hold mine. I want a love that people dream about. I want a love that will extend beyond this life. I want to be able to fall in love with someone all over again every day. I just want to be wanted by someone who can want me completely. 

I have waited for so long for someone to want me and to even like me in that way. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being used. I want someone that I can give my heart to, and I can trust him to keep it instead of giving it back to me. 

"I'm so tired of being lonely, don't I give you what you need?...I've given you my best, why does she get the best of you?"

Confession: When I say "I'm fine", I'm really not.

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